Ventilation Creates A Breeze

Just like butterfly wings. You know the saying. I'm feeling angry, frustrated, hurt, blown-off, exhausted, disappointed. I feel like this frequently. I'm getting sick of it. Why does this bullshit happen so often? Do I really put myself in this situation?

I'm thinking I am my own worst enemy. I was asked on Friday 'who is going to cause the biggest problem for you this weekend?'. I answered 'myself'. Though I don't think it was the answer she was looking for. I explained it would not be a person who would give me difficulties, but the interpretation I make of the events that occur. Now I'm starting to feel like it may not be my interpretation. There's only so much that can be said when the calls begin getting fewer and fewer. Yesterday there were none. Because of that, I want to call more and more often. As I said, it's happening too frequently.

But what if it is my interpretation that caused all this in the first place? By that I mean, what if it's my insecurities that started it? I start noticing small inconsistencies and dwell on them to the point where they are causing my relations to suffer. In turn it causes my fears to become reality.

So which one is it? The chicken or the egg?